Hate me

People go and people come. That’s how I overcome and like my heart, it goes and comes whenever it likes and I feel like a human without feeling but at the same time I feel great. It’s very special to be odd but to be special is very sickening. Why God gave us this gift? I prefer not to have feeling and mind like other creature. I hate myself for always feel I’m useless and meaningless to myself. I got nothing to do and nothing to care about myself. People love and be loved while I in this world feel no company and lonely. Shall commit suicide? But that's impossible for I’m Muslim and I have God to respect. I got to go from this world coz I hate myself right now. I don’t want to be me forever, and I hope I will go away forever leave my lovely-precious-only-thing family in this world. I love them and never feel to leave them until I repay theirs. I can’t give back whatever they had given me. But please God, I feel so ashamed with what I’ve done, and please take me with u. I know my life was so great and the greatness isn't immortal. I’ll become dumber and my strength will go and that's very fact to talk about. So, what for I survive now? I don’t need any talent for I have it all. I don’t need any prosperity for i know it won’t change anything. I’ll still be the same. Why God still want me to live for i hate to live and don’t have direction to go. i know my mind will change tomorrow but the same thing will come again to me and it will goes, and come again and again and again. So, what for i continue to live for i now i still have no one to cry with. i have nobody to laugh with. 'They' will never understand. ‘They’ are human, while I’m an animal who really want to go far away from this life. i had always pray to be the best and i think I’ve gotten what i want. I’ve made my family feel proud of me. o, at least 90% i did. So, i don’t want to make them feel disappointed for what i will do after this which is bad i think. i rather to die than live without care and love. My family loves me, and i love them. But do they come to me when i need them? no, they didn't. i appreciated a lot of what they gave but i need a shoulder to lie to and someone to ask me, how am i doing? How’s my life? Why i feel sad? To shout with me when i got a triumph, or good news. My god, please lead me to the best way and the best thing for right now is death. I’m bagging u my God, my only one....